Top 11 Comcast plans for Mickey Mouse

Top 11 Comcast plans for Mickey Mouse

11. Giant ears make good camoglague for microwave video relays.

10. That stange feeling you get when a Mickey Mouse voice puts you on hold because of their "Mickey Mouse" service department.

9. "Mickey, you don't even like cable, do you?"

8. Give him a $100 million dollar golden parachute. Oh, wait, that's Top 11 Plans for Michael Eisner...

7. In many ways not necessary, Goofy is already hard at work writing copy in the Comcast billing department.

6. Mickey finally gets a shot at late-night cable with Minnie, if you know what I mean!

5. My Mickey Mouse ears will now come with a USB port.

4. Who can say no to "HI! I'm Mickey Mouse! calling about your late bill."

3. Maybe the Mickey Mouse idea of using Audio-Animatronics to manage the cable network isn't so Goofy after all.

2. New sidekick for constant infomericals will make Ron Popeil appear natural, by comparison.

1. Well, It's a small world after all

Special thanks to Joe Jackson, Gary O., Dave Higginbotham, James Smeltzer, Cindy Kryszak, Kraig, Marvin Duran, Charles Ashbacher, Dan Kwitchen, Johnnie Ray and Wendy Chretien for their Submissions.

And here are some outtakes from our dear readers. Some of these are so good, they simply defy explanation and widespread appreciation.

• William Chiles: New Comcast trailer, "Finally, a decent alternative to rabbit ears."
• Erik Dauplaise: Comcast's Eyes & Ears in Florida
• Allan G. Hitchmoth: Mickey Mouse in formal-wear to be the mascott/logo for Comcast's SCO-authored (or not) operating system "Com-U-Nix."
• Tim Germain: Donald's revenge. Ha ha ha ha ha.
• Doug Porter: Turn a beloved childhood icon into the crass money-making machine of a greedy corporate empire. Oh yeah - that's already been done!
• Dan Kwitchen: "Mommy, will Janet Jackson be a Mousekettier?". "Well, yes Johnny, why do you ask?"...
• Gary O.: Will give new meaning to 'high speed ride' at Disneyland!
• Doug Olson: Comcast realizes the reception potential of Mickey's ears.
• Nick NIelsen: Mouse ears on each cable box eliminate the need for cable infrastructure. The "satellite cable" industry is born, providing the worst of both worlds...
• Jeff Meadows: So much for the Time Warner customers watching the Disney channel...
• Bobby Leon: If you don't like them (Disney or Comcast) you can always take a flying "DUCK"
• Randy Love: The perfect candidate to lower everybody's cable rates.
• Dalton Smith: You'll be so busy looking at his happy face on your bill, you won't notice the rate increase.
• Maniac: Could you imagine the new ads? (Mickey Mouse cable box with ears)
• Jeff Meadows: Just stand him on the roof and use the ears as twin satellite dishes.
• Greg Lara: Take Mickey by the ears, and prey upon his darkest fears.